I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I touched a dick in church today
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
