whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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