so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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