you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
