I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish they made helmets for livers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize