I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You took a bar mat shot.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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