i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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