Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
