my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
