Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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