so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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