You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
