so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
