everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
