Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
