Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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