today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
