You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
