I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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