I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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