So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
