he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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