yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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