I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
