Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
