I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Holy sore nipples Batman
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
