Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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