wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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