Your face is a jimmy john
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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