I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
