Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
