This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
