im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I won the penis lottery.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize