I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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