where am i from again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
