i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
