u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
