I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
