The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
