how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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