I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
