she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.