My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic