ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.