Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.