I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.