I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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