I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
