so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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