I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
