you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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