I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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