wat bout pragnant strippers??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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