i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
