It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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