i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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