WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
