I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
