he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
