if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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