Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
