the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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