So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
