Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
