now i know why i became what i already was.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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