was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
